I'm really not sure if this game is right for you! You seem like a super passive guy - remember this is the wold west. Now i've been playing alot, currently rank 48. and i honestly can tell you that i haven't been griefed all that often, sure you will get a tryhard who will try.
I have not ever seen the issue you are facing with the automatic bounty when entering a server. NOW, in a posse, if your friends commit a crime you will not receive a bounty UNLESS you are currently doing a mission.
In addition, as for somebody killing you in a camp - this is totally possible, normally you are immune in a camp but i do believe you can be lasso'd out and then killed, the only other exception to this is if a player accepts a contract mission to kill another player and YOU are selected at random as a target, then and only THEN can you be attacked in tour camp.